Ah, I bet you are sitting at your computer, hunched over like the rest of us with the terrible posture that would make my Nana poke you in the back...wondering why on earth you should read my ramblings. I've got only one answer for you...in view of the fact that I happen to be a bit of a wackadoo, my musings can be your evidence that you are completely normal, thus relieving you of the fear that you have gone loco. Leave that part to me. Oh, and I love to use the thesaurus, as I have an affinity for elocution and a deep seated, albeit odd obsession with grandiose language.
So dig in and be prepared...

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Birthdays should not make you cry...

but this one does.
I got pregnant with the M-n-M's a little less than a year after our son died in my belly.
That little stick made a plus so quick...I knew something was different this time.
An ultrasound at SIX weeks....the tech says, "both babies look great!"
I'm sorry..."WHAT?"
Six weeks later I'm sobbing in my driveway as I say good-bye to my husband.
By the time he comes home I'm so big I can't sleep, eat or breathe. But there are 2 healthy babies in my belly, just waiting to meet their daddy & mommy & sisters.

By the skin of their (as yet non existent) teeth & one mommy meltdown, they meet Daddy just 5 days before he leaves again.

A move to Maryland when they were 4 months old....

one busy daddy, one stressed mommy...one lonely Charley...one sweet Eva...and 2 very sweet babies.

3 more moves, 1 more sweet baby, 1 more deployment...

and those 2 surprises are 3. years. old.

And I'm crying because all I want for their birthday is for my Marine to jump out of a damn box somewhere. I want to feel his arms around me, see his entire face light up when he sees our children, I just want to hear him sing them Happy Birthday. I just want to see the unbridled joy on their faces when they see their Daddy.
And I know I can't give them what they really want for their birthday. I can only give them as much love and snuggles as my heart will hold. I can thank God for the sweetness of my Eva & Charley... who have been making cards all week...planning parties...imagining gifts...wishing for Daddy. And just making Mommy feel like they've got it all under control.
Which is really good. Because I absolutely don't. I just want to postpone the whole thing until the other half of this unit is safely home on American soil.
My husband is my heart, my soul, my anchor and my best friend. And I just can't imagine celebrating 2 of our miracles without him.
But I will. Because I do. Because we all do. Military wives. It's what we do. We just have to keep going forward...knowing that eventually the other half of our hearts will be home. We just wish, with every fiber of our being...that it was right now. this moment.
Charles....we miss you and we can't wait to celebrate all that we've missed...with you. Because there is no other way to celebrate. Not without you.
In 9 minutes, our twins will be 3. No longer babies...not quite big kids...but in the sweetest, softest, smooshiest stage ever.
I cannot wait for you to see them. Hurry home, love, hurry home.


No comments:

Post a Comment