Ah, I bet you are sitting at your computer, hunched over like the rest of us with the terrible posture that would make my Nana poke you in the back...wondering why on earth you should read my ramblings. I've got only one answer for you...in view of the fact that I happen to be a bit of a wackadoo, my musings can be your evidence that you are completely normal, thus relieving you of the fear that you have gone loco. Leave that part to me. Oh, and I love to use the thesaurus, as I have an affinity for elocution and a deep seated, albeit odd obsession with grandiose language.
So dig in and be prepared...

Friday, February 25, 2011

I hate days like this.

Days when I didn't get up on time...can't seem to get my head out of my proverbial behind...wonder WHY on EARTH I am homeschooling...crave the quiet that I never seem to get during naptime...am certain that I'll never get this house to feel like home...am overwhelmed just by life.

I often wonder what in blue blazes God was thinking when he decided 5 was my number. FIVE. CHILDREN. UNDER. 8.
I also wonder what He was thinking when He decided that I should feel called to homeschool those FIVE. CHILDREN. UNDER. 8.

Some days I am SUPERMOM. I keep the house clean, feel like I've kept my kids from being illiterate and uneducated, spent some QT with the littles, made dinner, did laundry AND I'm sitting by 8:30. (really, I only have one of those per quarter...just thought I'd mention it to remind myself that I have something to look forward to.)

Most days I am slugging through, trying to ascertain if I will ever get it together. If I will ever start using that completely overwhelming math curriculum I ordered in a fit of overachieving supermomness. If I will ever actually REALLY use the fabulous homeschool planner that stares at me from it's dusty spot on my desk. If I will ever get to work out again. Go on playdates with my littles again. Go to the store on the fly without having to call an army of helpers to watch my kids or go with me.

This life is a blessing and I know it. I just wish I could figure out how to make the most of the blessings. How to get things done. How to actually implement all my fabulous ideas. How to rewind the clock and build a different house. One that didn't feel like an uphill battle to live in. I really never thought I'd long for the days of renting or base housing. But really? Right now, I'd give my left arm to not be responsible for one nail in this wall. I really think sometimes that I'd rather be stuffed into 1800 sq feet and have a savings account and free weekends.

Aw crap. I'm whining. Yep, I know it. Yep, I know it doesn't really do a dang bit of good. But I'm gonna do it anyway.

Someone, anyone, send the supernanny. or any nanny. or anyone at all.

I think I'm suffering just a little bit of predeployment jitters. Some moments of Sh*t, seriously? I have to do this ALONE for almost 8 months? There isn't enough valium in the WORLD for that.
And I'm just irritated at myself right now for wasting this day, for deciding that I'd homeschool with FIVE kids and for having the attention span of a gnat.

That said, I guess I'll go pop frick and frack into their beds so they can jump and play for 2 hours and stress me out by not napping and I'll attempt to educate the bigs AND hopefully, I won't forget about Sam.

Hope your days sucks less than mine.

Clan Mac Crabby Mama

1 comment:

  1. I love u! U help me feel so normal. It is truely great to be in a group of people also dealling with a funtioning psychosis! Makes feel like I finally fit in somewhere! Praise the lord!